These are limericks about the strangest of all American politicos, Donald Trump. Like a Bizarro Bozo from an alternate universe, Trump materialized on planet Earth, seeming almost human except for his giveaway orange "hair." Now, disguised as a warm-blooded human being, Trump pretends to be a "nice" person while showing his true nature by insulting women for their looks, naysayers for exercising their First Amendment right to disagree with him, and millions of Americans for not being white Christians with lily-white skin and views similar to Trump's, even though he has clearly never read his Bible, much less lived by it. Recently, the Trump of Doom revealed that if elected president, he wants the US military to track down the widows and orphans of dead terrorists and either "take them out" or cause them to "suffer" in "retribution." Previously, he had vowed to have 11 million suspected illegal immigrants rounded up and deported without due process, including children born in the US who are therefore citizens according to the 14th Amendment. The Donald seems to believe that he can trump the Constitution! Can the Teflon Don and his neo-fascist revival of the Holocaust be defeated by humor? One can certainly hope, so here goes ...
Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question
There once was a brash billionaire
who couldn't afford decent hair.
Vexed voters agreed:
"We're a nation in need!"
But toupée the price, do we dare?
What would the price of a Trump presidency be, really? Would Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting 11 million people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler and Hair Furor are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?
Trumping the Truth
With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, "Media bias!"
—Madeline Begun Kane aka Mad Kane
Stumped and Stomped by Trump
There once was a candidate, Trump,
whose message rang clear at the stump:
"Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,
because I am ME,
and everyone else is a chump!"
Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump
Donald’s concept of leadership’s thuggery
And his chief expertise is skulduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery.
Bunko
Agent Orange is full of bunk:
Tiny-fingered, he claims a big "trunk."
And his "platform"? Oh my,
I think we'd all die!
And he can't even claim he was drunk!
NOTE: Donald Trump claims that he doesn't drink alcohol, except when he partakes of Holy Communion. However, Trump insulted the body and blood of Jesus Christ when he spoke dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." He claims to be a Christian, but also said that he never asks God for forgiveness!
De-Bunko
There's something I'd like to debunk:
the GOP's not in a "funk."
The Donald, by choice,
is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who's sane, or we're sunk!
Champ or Chump?
There's a boastful campaigner named Trump
who is doing quite well on the stump.
All his insults and gaffes
only get him more laughs.
Will he wind up a champ or a chump?
Fooling Around
Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo
cried, “Clinton Clown cheats with his yo-yo!
He plays fast and loose!
It’s clearly abuse!
Whereas broads love to bounce on my pogo!”
BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: “So you treat women with respect?” Trump answered honestly: “No, I can’t say that either.” And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."
An Open Limerick To Donald Trump
Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the "clown car" and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!
Trumping Tots
Things that go bump in the night
fill Herr Trump with irrational fright;
his brain hits the skids;
he shrieks, "Ban dark kids!"
Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"?
Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite?
Trump Explains Why His Hair Looks Like Shit: It's Been Bleached By Drool
"Although my hands are quite tiny,
I have an enormous hiney;
so I stick my head in,
predicting I’ll win,
while everyone kisses it shiny!"
Be Careful What We Wish For
Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he’s gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.
In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: "Clinton v. Loon!"
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could "Trump" Gore,
Odds are strong we'd (s)elect this buffoon.
Trump the Game Plan
There once was a huckster named Trump
who liked to be kissed on the rump.
He promised awed voters
if they'd be his promoters,
he'd magically fix up their dump.
Now the voters were dreaming of Ronald
and hoping they'd found him in Donald.
And so, lightly "thinking"
after much heavy drinking,
they put out, as if they'd been fondled.
But once he'd secured the election
Trump found his fans cause for dejection.
"I only love tens!"
he complained to his "friends,"
then deported them: black, white and Mexican.
Thus Donald fulfilled his sworn duties
by ridding the land of non-cuties.
Once the plain Janes were gone
he could smile on his throne
surrounded by imported beauties!
Trump Dump by the Philippines Unwanted
I know, it seems outrageous,
But it’s getting a lot of attention
On some very respectable Web pages —
Which mainstream media won’t mention:
Donald Trump was not born in Queens,
He was born in the Philippines,
In a hotel in downtown Manila.
Where his hair turned bright vanilla
Due to vitamin deficiencies.
―Garrison Keillor (not exactly a limerick, but close enough for our purposes here)
Egad,
what a cad;
the Orange Heffalump
scowls when he sees
a baby bump!
Like the Grinch who stole Christmas
(but every day of the year),
The Donald eyes happy
mothers with a leer!
NOTE: Donald Trump actually body-shamed Kim Kardashian for having a baby bump, saying that she was "large" and ought to watch the kind of clothes she wears in public!
Donald Trump Campaign Songs
Christmas is coming!
Tycoons are getting fat!
TRUMP says, "Take a piss
in some beggar's hat!
Beat him to a pulp
then run him out of town
if he dares object to
the MAN with the GOLDEN CROWN.
And if you're not a Christian,
nothing else will do!
But if you are like TRUMP,
then may TRUMP bless you!
SANTA CLAWS is coming to town!
He sees Spics when they're sleeping
and Blacks when they're awake!
He knows that Whites are always good,
but dark skin is God's mistake.
So if you're some poor child
with slightly darker skin,
BIG BROTHER will be WATCHING
blacks, Mexicans, Syrians!"
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